Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop!

I say the wait begins but to be honest it started a few days ago, when the incident happened. And thinking now you probably have no clue what I am talking about. Well I am here to tell you!

I was proud of myself on Thursday night, I had done a lot for the past few days. Worked out, homework, house cleaning. I was pumped and thought I deserved to indulge a little. So like, well me and my mom, I chose my beverage of choice a Vodka Martini. Unlike my mother I struggle with alcohol abuse. I felt I had been doing okay for the past week or so so I didn’t think it to be a big deal.

Well……..it was! I managed to drink the entire bottle and have to go to the hospital. I would go into detail but the details are not their for me. Like I said I had an entire bottle. I was in the Emergency room for around 6 hours before I was released to go home. Ands since then I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. My family and friends have been treating me, mostly, like nothing has happened. But I know soon that shoe will drop and we will have to address the elephant in the room.

I know this is a serious issue and I am ready to address it. This was my rock bottom. I know I can’t do it alone. The thought that I have been perseverating about is I do not feel they think I know the seriousness of the situation. I do, I have. I just wasn’t ready then. Now I am. As much as I don’t want to sit down and have a huge conversation about it, with my therapist I might add, I know it is coming and I want to get it over with.

There will be crying (mostly me), getting defensive (again me) and god knows what other feelings and thoughts that will come up…and I am not looking forward to it. All I want right now is for it to be 3 months from now and we are all in a good place. But to get there we have to go through the “muck”, whether I like it or not. Is this the same for all alcoholics? Is it better or worse? I don’t know. I only know my reality and right now the immediate future is not good.

I have looked into go to AA but I am not sure if it will help. However since I haven’t had a drink since, THE INCIDENT I have felt bored. The time I spent drinking I am now doing nothing (another bad sign). So at least if I fill up some of that time with AA it won’t be drinking right?

I strikes me know, why am I sharing this with the world. Well the fact is I don’t know what else to do. I went to one AA meeting and have tried not drinking all by myself and well you know what happened. So I am giving this a shot. Perhaps this blog on this very personal issue will allow me to stay sober. I hope at least it will help.

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